I got a question that I felt required its own post, because it's important.
Hi. One of the things I love about your blog is how you express your great self esteem. Something I personally struggle with (and I suspect this is because of the fact that I am female - born in a patriarch society) is trusting my own voice. At the end of the day I almost always regret/review my statements throughout the day - was I wrong to say what I said / joke the way I did, did I express myself too boldly? It's not like this is a dominating part of my personality - I've always considered myself to have quite good confidence, BUT... I overthink a lot of things, and the common factor is that this almost exclusively happens after I've had conversations with men, and most often if they are strangers. I don't have the same great self esteem as my male counterparts. I ca walk away from home feeling great, and return feeling insecure. I guess my question is, how do you maintain your confidence when meeting new people? Do you ever lay in bed after a day of encounters - wondering if what you said was right or if it could be misinterpreted? You seem so strong, and I too would like to walk away from a meeting and not give a damn about how I might have been perceived. Could you give any advice on how to trust your own voice, and rock everyones (including your own) world?
Okay first things first. Yes. I have good self-esteem and I'm a confident person. But oh god, I am human. And a very emotional one too. I don't think there is anyone who isn't insecure once in a while, who doesn't think back on a day and wonder if they should've said that one thing differently. We're all these fragile beings with emotions and feelings and souls. And I think it's important to remember that it can be beautiful to be insecure sometimes. It keeps you humble. Anyway. Just wanted to get that out there.
Now, over to my *advice* which feels kind of silly to give since I have no idea what I'm doing. But I'll give it a shot. During the last couple of years I feel like I've really found myself. Saying it makes me want to gag a little, but it's true. Going to school and meeting so many different people from different backgrounds, moving around like a crazy person, building up a life in two different cities all by myself without knowing anyone, being far away from my best friends and family - it does something to a person. I've learned to deal with things by myself and I've been fucking lonely from time to time. And it has almost forced me into being at peace with myself, with being by myself.
It's not easy. To hang out with yourself and have a good time. But the most important thing, in my opinion, is realizing one thing. Read carefully: the things that define you are your opinions, your feelings and your awareness. Not your job. Not how you perform in school. Not your amount of followers on instagram. Not if you're wearing the latest Gosha Rubchinskiy sweater. Not the people you hangout with, sleep with, are in love with. All of those things are just the cherries on top of your delicious sundae that aren't even really adding much to the flavor. And when I realized that, and actually believed it, was when I stopped wasting energy on the things that don't matter. And I'm not saying that I never worry anymore, or get sad or scared. But I think I'm pretty good at dealing with it.
We spend so much time at work, we spend so much time worrying about who we are to other people, we spend so much time in general. It drains us on energy and we forget what's important. I'm generalizing, but that's how it's been for me at least. I just really don't see the point in holding on to things or carrying around feelings or words that you really want to get out. I don't want to say don't overthink, because I'm the queen of it. But trust yourself and trust other people. Don't hesitate to speak your mind because you're scared about how they're going to react, because the truth is you have no idea.
I'll leave you with what a boy told me last weekend: It doesn't fucking matter. Nothing really matters. So just make the best of it. Be a good person. Speak your mind. Eat healthy. Stop biting your finger nails.
Couldn't agree more.