It’s been a bit inconsistent in here lately. I’m still trying to figure out what to do with this space and turn it into something I can be proud of. It’s a bit all over the place right now. But it might also be a reflection of that me myself am a bit all over the place. This fall has been… kind of chaotic to be honest. I ended the summer being completely heartbroken and spent a lot of time getting drunk. I went from depressed and self destructive to euphoric, to filled with anxiety, to content, to euphoric again, to now feeling a bit empty. Not sad or anything. Just exhausted. It’s been a lot. A lot of work, a lot of money, a lot of going out, a lot of boys, a lot of not sleeping, a lot of personal projects I’ve been working on, a lot of just running around. I’ve fucking loved it and I’ve had the time of my life. There have been moments during the last months where I’ve really surprised myself with my ability to turn off and live in the moment.
I get into this mode when I can literally feel my opinions and my view on life changing. So many things that used to matter don’t anymore and so many things that didn’t use to matter do. It’s kind of crazy how I’m so aware of the fact that I’m in the middle of a time in my life where I’m growing and changing. It’s really cool. I feel freer and bolder than ever. There are so many people I’ve met who all have gotten me out of a shell I didn’t even know I was in. Taught me things and opened up doors for me that will take me places I’ve wanted to go for a long time.
It’s been a ride and I hope it’ll continue, but maybe at a slower pace. Right now I’m so ready to go home and chill for a second. I’ll be celebrating Christmas in Stockholm with my family and I’ll squeeze in as many people as I can in my schedule during the two weeks I’m there. Can’t wait to go to my aunts place on Christmas Eve, see my grandparents, hang and take photos with Frida-My, go out dancing with my brother, hug all my friends and just relax on the couch watching episode after episode of The Office. And hopefully write a bunch of things to post here.
I’ll talk to you when in Sweden!