The Boys of 2016

Okay so let’s talk boys. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. “Again??? Girl why aren’t you posting a bunch of ad links to dresses for New Years or recipes of vegan food or I don’t know, a photo of a cute dog?” But you guys, you know that's not my thing. I'm more about writing shit I'll regret the next day because it turned out someone who I didn't think read this blog read it. In times like those though, I always think about that one tip some old writer gave to young writers (like myself): "The thing that scares the shit out of you. Write that." This doesn't necessarily scare the shit out of me, but that tip reminds me of not leaving out details. So, instead of showing you guys what I've been doing this past year I thought we could talk about who I've been doing. (Yes, I went there.) A shameless post about the guys who’ve done some sort of mark on me over the past year. Hopefully writing this will give me some sort of aha moment. Black on white: this is what I've learnt and this is what I can take with me going into the new year. And maybe you can too. So, here we go. Frida’s Boys In Review. 

The guy who turned me into The Other Woman

Thrice in my life I’ve hooked up with a guy who’ve had a girlfriend at the time. It sounds worse than it is, because 2 out of the 3 times I was unaware of the girlfriend and got the information afterwards. Not fun, but hey, also not my fault that the guys I hook up with are assholes to their girlfriends. This one on the other hand had made me fully aware of his relationship status, yet wouldn’t stop hitting on me. Don’t ask me why I didn’t stop it while I could. I fucking deep dived into that pool of sharks as if they were adorable little baby dolphins. What followed was the worst anxiety I’ve experienced to date. I woke up with him next to me about to burst into tears. I had been drunk out of my mind which is not an excuse (but then again isn’t it kind of?) and so had he. When he left I wanted him to come back because it was as if he'd left me alone with a mistake we'd both made. I felt so sorry for my pathetic ass and tried to find some comfort in watching the whole third season of Sex and The City. I thought connecting with Carrie as she’s having sex with a married Mr. Big would help. It did not. The thing is when you do something so nasty as having sex with someone who's in a relationship, almost no one feels sorry for you (your best friend might act as if they do, but be so sure bitch be fakin) which makes you hate yourself. Just stay away, okay?

The guy I fell in love with

I actually fell in love this year which was fun. Yay love! I fall in love pretty easily which is annoying sometimes, but also fucking fantastic because I’d rather be a love freak than a closed up turtle. Unfortunately he didn’t fall in love with me, which is a bummer. But what can you do? (I say this now, but in September I was balling for weeks and inhaled wine as if my life depended on it.) Anyway, he’s great and I’m happy to have had him in my life and it’s all good now. But fuck, falling in love with someone who doesn’t fall in love with you back is like being locked out in the cold. Hungover. While having to pee. But now we all know it to be true; his loss.

The guy with the voice of a baby lamb

With a break up comes a rebound and I found mine on Tinder. After two weeks of crying, drinking, smoking and complaining to my friends I went out on a Friday and got real drunk. Then I got into a cab and went home to a guy who was… nice. I mean, my bar wasn’t set that high considering I’d had about 5 shots and equally many gin tonics. I was dru-huuunk. But he was tall and pretty and did his thing without requiring much effort from my side. It would’ve been the perfect rebound if only his voice wouldn’t had been so weird. He sounded like a tiny animal from a Disney movie. I woke up the next day with the worst physical and emotional hangover which is probably expected when: 1. You spend a night drinking tequila as if it's strawberry lemonade. 2. Hooking up with someone new before the smell of the person you're in love with has left your pillow. However, it did help.

The guy who was shorter than me

In early October I went on a date with a guy who was about an inch shorter than me. I should’ve known from the start that this was bound to end badly, but I wanted to challenge myself. I thought: “Frida, don’t be a bitch and ditch the little man, he might be hilarious.” Spoiler alert: he was not. Anyway. We met up at a bar in Williamsburg and I paid for our drinks. This is not something I’m proud of, but living in the US and being a woman who dates men you get used to getting your drinks bought for you. I know, I’m an independent woman who earns enough money to pay for my own Stella. But I can’t help but enjoy the occasional “I got this” from a dude. Anyway, this set me off to a bad start especially cause he ordered a cocktail for 13 bucks and it was two days before payday. When we sat down he talked about how he really wanted to go to Jerusalem and kept on doing so for 50 minutes. I felt as if I'd been to Jerusalem after that conversation. It was interesting for a while, then I chugged my beer to entertain myself. When done I waited a bit to see if he would offer to get me another one, but he did not. So I decided I had "a lot of work to do" and left after that drink. He tried to kiss me, but I dodged the bullet and swore off short men.

The guy who had a cool sister

Sometime in October there was a guy who was real cute and friendly and funny and cool, but he had a sister who seemed even cooler. I never met her, but she writes for a major fashion publication and just seem like a good egg, ya know? He wouldn't shut up about her though, which was kind of weird. I tried to justify the fact that he spent a 3 hour date talking about his younger sister. I mean she just moved to New York and he was proud of her for making it. But also, is it possible that he was a little bit in love with her? After our date we kept in contact for a bit, but when I suggested we’d meet up and grab a drink he said he had to go see his sister. I decided then and there I wouldn’t mix with that.

The guy who was sweeter than I expected so obviously I lost interest

On a day in early September I went to the beach. There I saw a guy who, I don’t know... Did something to me. Like, emotionally. He sat next to us when having lunch and he looked at me the entire time, making me nervous. His dark brown eyes, olive skin and dark hair had him look like an exotic surf boy and I couldn’t really stop thinking of him. A few weeks later I got dumped and I ended up in a kitchy bar on Lower East Side with some friends. Who was working the bar if not him? He turned out to be a sweetheart and not the mysterious, dark guy I had imagined. He would come by my house on his way to Halloween parties, wearing black face paint and nail polish, just to make out for a few minutes and say hey. Well, being the fucked up person I clearly am there is a text from him asking what I'm up to, to which I haven't responded in two months. 

The guy who gets me high

And then there’s the tall dark-haired dark-eyed handsome man who makes me weak in the knees by doing nothing at all. It seems impossible to write about him, because I don’t know him. And he doesn’t know me. Yet he does to me what I imagine the best drugs does to you. There’s is nothing to get there, other than thrills and a bit of conversation, and I don’t think I want more. I don't need more. Still there is something about him that keeps me thinking about what more would be. I know I don't have feelings for him or anything, but I can't seem to walk away. It's just that he looks like a dream. And he skates too. I mean, he's literally sex on legs but there's definitely something else that makes him so irresistible to me, I just don't know what it is. Do I even want to know? I DON'T KNOW. He's difficult, that's for sure. He probably doesn't give a shit. But you know when you drive past the scene of a car crash? How you can’t look away? He’s a car crash. A really really sexy car crash.

So... What was this supposed to be good for? I honestly have no idea. Maybe it's good for you to indulge in my scattered "love" life and feel better about your own? I'm sure yours are better. Tell me about them if you want to! <3


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