My sex life vs my beauty routine

 

Being into someone is amazing. No matter what it leads to, the time when it’s all easy and fun and new is so much fun. I’m sure most of you who’ve been there agree. You want to be with the person all the time, get to know each other over dinners and drinks and breakfasts and spend the nights next to each other in bed. It’s lovely. However, something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately as I’m spending the majority of my nights in a bed that isn’t mine; it comes with the pain of giving up your beauty routine. It dawned on me as I got on the L train a few days ago to go to work after having spent the night with the guy I’m seeing. I was wearing yesterday’s outfit except for his t-shirt, hair that could easily have been mistaken for an old dirty mop and probs a bunch of eye gunk in the corner of my eyes that I missed when looking in the mirror for 2 seconds before we left the apartment. It only took me a quick look around to realize that I was the most gross looking person on that train. But then it also hit me that I can’t be the only one who spent the night at someone else’s place. Then why do everyone else on this packed train look like they have a fucking glam team in their purse? This had me panic and in a desperate attempt to make my hair look better I put it up in a pony only to let it out 2 seconds later and then up again. Everyone with hair knows that this only makes it greasier. I was a lost cause.

It might seem like a non-problem to walk around with dirty hair and wear the same outfit two days in a row when I get to spend the nights with a guy I like. When you're laying there in bed and he put his arm around you and maybe grabs your boob in his sleep, the decision is so easy. “I can wear the same shirt tomorrow, who cares? I’ll keep my arms down at all times and no one will smell a thing. It’s. All. Cool.” It’s really cute actually. How when we're in the grip of his (or her of course) arms deciding if we should go home or not stop to care. And since making out wins over fresh shirts any day of the week, we turn around, bury our noses in their chest hair and fall asleep. As time goes by we buy a travel size deodorant that fits into our small purse and we leave a can of dry shampoo at his place. You'd think it's all good, but still… Tomorrow always comes around and even though you try to avoid it, you do end up looking yourself in the bathroom mirror at work. And yes, as you suspected you did go a little too hard on the dry shampoo causing your hair to look grey instead of brown and even though you showered yesterday morning you might as well have just come out from a 2 hour bikram yoga class. And that is the problem: you just can’t reach your normal level of freshness in a bathroom that is not your own. Fact.

This is fake. I'd been up for hours. HOURS!

This is fake. I'd been up for hours. HOURS!

My ask is pretty basic. I would just really love it if I didn't look like Cameron Diaz in What About Mary every morning. You know, when she accidentally gets cum in her hair. Maybe you’re a girl who wakes up in the morning looking like a sleepy, cute, carefree dream after a night with no AC and mosquitos eating up your toes as they are sticking out from under the sheet. But let’s be real. Are you really? My theory is that 8 out of 10 instagram posts of girls in bed with messy hair with a caption in the style of “ugh nbd just woke up blah blah” have already taken a shower. 9 are wearing highlighter (and maybe even a bit of blush) and think they can get away with it. And 10 has been awake for at least an hour if not more, downed an iced coffee and scrolled through Facebook twice. Don’t get me wrong, I do the exact same thing. No judgement here. Who doesn’t love those sleepy eyes, hair in face and perfect pout-photos? Golden selfie right there. But when I stand there on the subway, looking around me, I feel like the only human left in a world taken over by these sleepy, cute, carefree dream girls. I imagine I could learn so much from them. Cause you see the thing is, I’m a professional now you guys. I need to at least try to live up to it. I can’t go to work wearing the same outfit as the day before (at least not more than once a week) and I can’t not wash my hair. It’s just inappropriate. It's time I become one of them and cut my toenails regularly. I’m aware of the fact that I could simply get out of bed 20 minutes earlier and take a shower like a normal person, but I like sleeping too much. So in order to not stand out (too much) on the train among all good smelling, recently showered “people” I will buy myself a bigger purse that fits my makeup bag, hair brush and a change of clothes. The only other option really is to end things with the boy and therefore always have my own bathroom at my disposal, but that’s not an option because I want to start watching Stranger Things and it’s too scary for me to watch alone. So as of now I will try to get my shit together and always carry around an extra pair of underwear. Does this mean I'm I growing up?


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