It was a regular Wednesday. The least exciting day of the week smackdown in the middle of it. I didn’t really know if I were alive or not. Didn’t think much, just got up in the morning, went to work and there I was doing nothing. You texted me right before lunch. Talk to me you said. I told you how bored I was and you said I just had to imagine it. What I asked. Whatever makes you happy. I said I imagined being with you. You said you imagined me, there, with you.
Never did I expect to be sending sweet delicate texts from my cold office to your warm bed. But here I was. You seemed fragile, I thought. More so than you usually do, because you were always fragile of course. But now I could see the silence between your loud words. You write about me you said. Or was it a question? My cheeks was getting warm. So what I said. You said I like it. I didn’t respond. Was there anything to say really? Or did I just not know how to handle this?
I went home at five, walked home in the cold early winter winds, and it buzzed in my pocket. I can’t sleep I haven’t slept you said. I counted back the hours on my fingers. Five, four, three, two, one, twelve, eleven. Eleven am in New York. You haven’t slept all night I asked. I know you said. I didn’t know how to help you sleep from so far away. If I were there we could’ve stayed up together. We could’ve had sex or talked about music or smoked or watched Arrested Development. But now I was here, walking along the water to my apartment that I own and live in. An apartment that’s not a five minute walk away from yours. An apartment that’s exactly an hour cab ride, eight hour flight and 40 minute cab ride away from yours. I miss being awake at night with you I said. Why are you there you said.
Why are we here I thought.
But we are. We’re wondering what it would be like if we could love and not only need each other. If we could, oh my god, we’d be a force of fucking nature. We would be so great together, outshine every single person around us with our light. It makes me sad because we’d have such beautiful babies. With your brown eyes and my freckles and both of ours dark hair. Such a waste. I’ll see you in June I said.
My phone broke that weekend. And I had to change my number on What’s App. So I haven’t heard from you since. I’m wondering if I’ll even see you in June.