Twist and turns

My life took an unexpected turn last weekend, leaving me confused and broken. I feel like I’ve lost a best friend. But I think it’s possible that it can be the opposite. When something ends, something else starts. I know it sounds like a quote that a suburban mom would have on her kitchen wall, but it is true.

No matter how rational and wise I might seem about this situation I’ve spent this past week drinking 4 bottles of wine, smoking 5 packs of Marlboro Silver, going to the gym every day, calling in sick twice, crying till my head was about to explode and sleeping about a total of 3 hours. All of it has been like a reverse detox where I’ve stuffed myself with things that will kill me. I’ve tried to make it as dramatic and movie-like as possible. I’ve been Bella fucking Swan sitting in that chair for about 90% of the second Twilight movie listening to that depressing Lykke Li song.

But this morning I woke up and I decided that I’m done with it. I’ve got a personality that will make whoever comes after me seem like a loser and a body that a hot bartender at a bar on Lower East wants to sleep with. So don’t worry about me.

How are you? Tell me some stories so that I can focus on something else. <3


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A long weekend

Not last weekend, but the one before I was off for four days. The week had been long and stressful and depressing and I was feeling like complete shit as you might remember. So I thought I was worth taking Friday off. 

And I went here. To Rockaway Beach. Complete fucking bliss you guys. I can't even remember the last time I was on a beach?

Nicole, Sara, Astrid and I got tipsy around lunch time, dozed off in the sun, checked out some lifeguard babes and swam in the ocean. 

Stayed until the sun went down and the clouds rolled in. 

And went back to mine and had prosseco on the roof. Then I felt like I could've died from exhaustion and I kind of did. 

And on the Saturday I had coffee and breakfast in my bed, unpacked and was proud of my wall so captured it accompanied by my side boob.

This is my roommate Nora! One of them. She's sweet as pie and we smoke cigarettes on our fire escape from time to time. We spent the whole day assembling our table and chairs and shelves and what not and drank sangria from midday. As one should.


And as the sun went down we hung out on the roof Nora, Stina and I. Then some people came and some more and it was crowded and I got drunk and tired and sad and I don't know what was going on. I was unstable, you guys. Felt lonely and not good enough. And then I forgot my credit card in the cab. Feeling sorry for me yet? No? Okay. 

I can't even remember what I did Sunday. I was hungover and whatever I guess. But on Monday, which was Labor Day and day off, I went to Bed Stuy to have brunch at Nicole's. She lives in a dream apartment as you can see.

She watered the plants as I sipped on coffee and watched her. 

And then we walked around half of Brooklyn, had lunch at Milk in Prospect Heights and hung out in Prospect Park. I was matching my lemonade and Nicole read me articles on Hasidic Jew's sex life (that they would have sex with a sheet and a hole in it is a myth just FYI). 

And that was that long weekend. Now it's sooooooo looooooong till the next one. I'm gonna have to take another PTO some Friday because long weekends is the way to live. 


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Blonde + some other things

Whatsuppp? I'm very tired and I feel like I'm coming down with a cold. I spent the weekend dancing and drinking and making out, so that was great. But unfortunately Mondays always suck no matter what.

But to celebrate that it is over in just a few hours, I thought I'd share some things I like right now.

Frank Ocean's new album. A little late on the ball here, I know. I hadn't really listened to it till now, but damn. Especially this part in Nikes:

I may be younger, but I'll look after you
When you're not here, I'll save some for you
I'm not him, but I'll mean something to you
I'll mean something to you
I'll mean something to you
You've got a roommate, he'll hear what we do
It's only awkward if you're fucking him too

I mean... Come on <3

And while we're talking music, this is the playlist I'm collecting treasures in at the moment.

I've been eying this work shirt from Richardson since like May. But ya know, it's 300 dollars so that won't happen anytime soon. But if I magically find a few hundred bucks on the street I'd match it with my blue Levi's, converse and my new silver earrings. 

And! Lat night I re-watched one of my favorite movies - Short Term 12. I've probably already written about it here way back but if you haven't watched it, quickly open a new tab pop onto Netflix and do it. It's fantastic. 

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04 09 2016

Lately there's been something going on that I can't really put my finger on. I don't know more than that it's a feeling of unease that won't leave me the fuck alone. It's just something. The other day I broke down in tears in a cab with my mom and my brother while moving my stuff to my new apartment. I couldn't breathe and I couldn't stop crying. That almost never happens to me, that I literally break down in tears like that without no obvious reason. It scared me a little because it felt very out of the blue, even though those situations never are. I honestly don't know what I would've done without my mom and brother here last week. Things were so stressful with the move and work and a bunch of other things that makes my head spin. That day though, we ended up having a great evening eating Mexican and drinking margaritas and later on I crashed in their hotel room. And the day after we went for breakfast in Soho while the city got drenched from the heavy rain. It helped.

Everything just feels very uncertain right now. I don't really feel like there's anything stable that I can hold on to. Nothing is a guarantee. And I thought I liked living that way, because it means no commitments no rules no limits. But it's also frustrating and it hurts and it takes a lot of energy because you constantly need to keep things together. I know that all of this probably doesn't make any sense and I'm being foggy which I don't like being on here. But to be honest that's exactly how it feels right now. Foggy. And I'm not unhappy. I'm not sad. I'm just uncomfortable in some way. Like getting a blister from your favorite pair of shoes.

On the other hand, moving in to the new apartment has brought in so much good energy. I'm already in love with the girls I live with and the place is amazing. I'll make sure to take you for a tour as soon as we're a bit more settled. I just want to spend time in my room, cook food in my kitchen, watch the city turn pink at sunset from the roof and cool off on my fire escape. Those are the moments when you realize that the other stuff that itches and hurts, are just little things that you actually can get rid off. Put a band aid on. I hope you'll bare with me as I try to get out of this annoying situation. Writing here helps too.


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Slowing it down

The last three weeks have been intense and fast paced. Too fast paced. First going home to Sweden, then a bunch of visitors in town and in the meantime moving apartments and keeping up with work. While it’s all good things going on it does get a bit exhausting after awhile and I’m never good in those situations. I turn into a fragile, emotional glass doll who breaks if you put me down carelessly.

After work yesterday I had to meet up with my mom quick and then go home to pack up all my stuff. While I was waiting for the J-train that took forever like always and I swear my skin was melting on the platform I turned into the little baby I truly am and just wanted to cry in someones arms. I was so tired. I know I sound like an annoying brat, but so be it. I went home, literally tossed everything I own into my bags and couldn’t even bother to fold it properly which says more about my emotional state than anything else. When I was semi-done packing I couldn’t take it anymore so I escaped my mess of apartment and went to Bushwick to have a late night dinner with he who always gets me in a good mood. We had ricotta toasts and merguez sausages and talked about dream projects at Montana’s before grabbing an ice cream on our way home. Crazy how something as simple as walking a few blocks back to the apartment with my hand in his can slow it all down. An hour or so later I fell asleep with his arms around me and when the alarm rang this morning we snoozed for an hour because why be at the office early when you can twist your legs together and fall back asleep?


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Jenny and Diego

On Friday morning I landed in Stockholm and got picked up by my dad at the airport. We went home to my parents apartment and Lisa and Kris came over right away. We had breakfast and chatted like usual, which always feels great when you live far away and sometimes think they might forget about you. After finishing a few cups of coffee we went into the city to hit up a few stores and drink some very expensive tea. Later I met up with Frida and Ludde for a beer and after finishing it I felt like I was about to die in the remains of my German lager. So I went home. After being (in my opinion) a fucking trooper, staying awake till 9pm which meant I had been up for 32 hours, I slept for 13 and woke up fresh as a flower on Saturday.

I spent the morning doing things I never do; hair mask, paint my nails with base, color and top coat, matching my underwear for the feeling of being put together and spending more than 1 minute on makeup. And look how it paid off! Felt like a damn star. Should start consider doing this more often (I'm in my dad's sweatpants, a dirty hoodie and greasy hair typing this) to turn some heads. Anyway, the reason for me looking this good is because my parents god daughter Jenny was getting married to her Diego. 

Wearing Reformation jumpsuit and & Other Stories heels.

Before heading to the ceremony I finally got to reunite with this one! My little brother Jesper went straight from Way Out West in Gothenburg to the wedding basically after having slept 2 hours the night before. 

We were stoked to see Jenny and Diego tie the knot. And everything was so freaking beautiful and emotional. I cried like a baby during the whole ceremony which wasn't great because I was singing. It went okay though, I think. 

We kissed and hugged and drank champagne for a long while after the ceremony, before the dinner. A whole bunch of family of Diego had flown in from Chile and we tried to communicate as much as possible when I speak no Spanish and they no English. But I managed to turn to my school Spanish to exchange a few sentences at least. 

And then we danced and downed pisco sours for many hours till I could barely stand up from jetlag (and maybe that last pisco.....). Amazing wedding. Amazing couple. LOVE IS RAD! <3

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It's me. Currently I'm getting a tiny bit stoned from my roommates weed fumes that is filling up my apartment. Which isn't great when you were planning on finishing up some work. Anyway. I know it's very quiet in here and I don't really have an excuse. Another week has passed and I've spent it like any other week. I've worked a lot, spent time with friends drinking beer eating dinner, almost kind of sort of found an apartment with two other Swedish girls that I hope to sign a lease on this week, been to the Brooklyn Museum, gotten drunk in a backyard followed by a romantic dinner at McDonalds, finished Stranger Things etc. You know, life. It spins on so fast I forget to pause once in a while and take a look around. But on Thursday I go to Stockholm for a week and it couldn't have been better timing. I feel a bit tired. Can't wait for my moms food, seeing my friends, go to Weekday and get new basics for fall, stay out till the sun goes up, hang out with my cousins and just being home for a few days. I think it's exactly what I need.

Hopefully with some new energy this blog will become a more fun place to hang out on too. In the meantime, why don't you tell me what you want to see more of on here? Or less of for that matter. You are what makes this a place one where I want to hang out. Because you know, I kind of like you. 

Hope you're happy and that the late summer is treating you well. I'm going to watch some Friends now and go to sleep early. Work will have to wait till tomorrow.

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Right now


Bare skin. Tight denim. Slow weekend mornings. The cotton candy colored sun shining through the heavy clouds at 8pm. Rainy nights. Ass grabbing. Fresh sheets. Light shirts. Pink lips. Best to you with Blood Orange. Prosecco. Running longer than last time. His hand on my neck when he kiss me. Freckles. White t-shirts. Gold. Countdown to vacation. Snoozing for 10 minutes. 10 more minutes. And 10 more. 


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The weekend that rained away

Hey babies! It's Monday. Again. I feel like the weeks are just rolling on in fast motion and there's no stop to it. This weekend was nice and chill though. I went out with Ingrid and Nicole on Friday for beers at Burnside and prosecco at Black Flamingo. Of course I fell down the one step we one second before had called out as "the typical trip-step" because I have no grace. Luckily I saved myself from a reputation of being Bambi on ice with my killer dance moves for an hour or two of mellow techno tunes. I ended the night meeting up with a drunk cuddly boy, eating bodega sandwiches in my bed and falling asleep two seconds in on the third Stranger Things episode. Woke up when it was like one second left and made some comment that was totally off trying to make it seem as if I'd been awake all along. It didn't work. 

On Saturday we were supposed to go to an exhibition at Pace Gallery, but when we got there all galleries on the street seemed to be closed, because apparently art-people need summer vacation??? What??? The sky broke into a heavy rain, leaving us two Brooklyn residents stranded in Chelsea with no idea what to do or where to go. As we were desperately Yelping restaurants and bars Nico's old co-worker appeared as an angel from above recommending (a pretty shit, but whatever) pub around the corner where we could have a drink and wait for it to stop. An hour or so and two beers later it was still pouring, but we decided to make our way to the subway and head home. As the rain hit against my big windows we watched another episode and made out till it got dark.

There's something very calming about summer rain, when it pours down but stays damn hot out. When it calmed down a little bit, we hid under one umbrella and went out to get some ice cream from Uncle Louis G's. The hood was quiet and empty for being a Saturday night but I guess everyone were hiding from the weather. After finishing our ice cream we walked over to Daddy's, a bar that's supposed to serve hotdogs and play good music, but there were no hotdogs and I can't remember what music they were playing. But that doesn't matter because my company is ace and he kept me distracted from whatever was streaming out from the speakers and ordered me drinks that had me forget about food. Sipping on our frozen rum and cokes we talked about everything from what a dream job it'd be to design sport team logos to which Brit's we'd bone if we could (Christian Bale) to how we want to go to Paris asap. When our stomachs were growling for food we got some Thai on our way home and after inhaling my fried rice I once again fell asleep as soon as we put on a movie. But I mean, when you've got an arm right there to fall asleep on, how could you not?

On Sunday I met up with Ingrid and we ran around town, trying on sneakers and matching suits and eating pancakes at Café Select. In the afternoon I went to the gym, cleaned and organized my closet, changed my sheets and did a face mask. Adult points to me, danke! And then I went for dinner in Bushwick and as the thunder rolled in for the fourth day in a row I jumped on the train home and fell asleep to the latest episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. On that note, can we talk about how cute Kanye is with his kids? I love how the show works as a peep hole into his real personality, letting us look past his douche lord-y famous persona.

Anyway. That was my weekend! I'll talk to you soon. Puss <3

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One week one post

Let's wrap up a week in a post!

A week ago, when I was walking over to La Esquina to meet up with a certain dark haired boy for dinner this other blonde one called me from Stockholm where the sun was on its way up and he was on his way home to our parents apartment at 5am after a night out. In only two weeks I'm in Sweden partying it up with him till sunrise and in a month he's coming to New York for a whole week!

Saturday was too hot for anyone to function so after having brunch in the shade, we decided to go to the movies to cool down. Since Neon Demon was sold out I got to decide and unfortunately (cough) there were only Finding Dory or The Secret Lives of Pets showing. Finding Dory it was and it was amazing. Obvi. Then we went home and had Shandy's on the fire escape and forgot about time. I rushed home to get ready for Colby's birthday celebration that took place at Enid's in Greenpoint.

On Sunday I went to Cafe Henrie on Lower East Side to have coffee with Stina who's a friend of my old friend Sara. She just moved to New York and Sara thought the two of us should hang, so of course we did! I love how many new girls I've gotten to know lately. I love girls <3

After our coffee date I walked over to Reformation to try on dresses and jumpsuits for the wedding I'm going to when I go home in a couple of weeks. I ended up getting this black jumpsuit that fits like a glove. Will wear it with a pair of heels that kills my feet, red lips and hair pulled back in a slick low pony. WOWZA. 

On Monday I (once again) got caught in the rain on my way home from work. Dumbo was flooded and I managed to escape right before all the delays kicked in on the subway. And by the time I went out for a run it was this beautiful. What is up with the pink skies in this city? Someone told me that it's because of all the pollution. Is that true? 

And this is how I run around the apartment and wish I could go to work. It's too fucking hot to put on a bra/t-shirt/pants/clothes in general. But after all, I don't know how much the guy who's editing our latest commercials wants to see my side boob (probably very much though) so I put on a dress.

On Wednesday I went to Bushwick after work to meet up with Nicole and Ingrid. We had a falafel at Queen of Falafel (it was delicious) before going to Drink & Draw which is an event where you pay 10 bucks for unlimited beer and you sketch naked people. I'm the worst illustrator/painter on this planet, but it was actually kind of fun! When I'd have enough of drawing a naked woman I walked one block up the street to fall asleep next to a naked man instead.

Yesterday I went to a viewing (I have to move out end of the month) and it was so nice! Hopefully I can move in. Fingers crossed. After the viewing I went home, went to the gym and then we ordered pad thai's and watched Stranger Things. How good?! It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be! Maybe it will get scarier though. 

And today it's Friday! Hope you'll have a great weekend <3 Puss!


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My sex life vs my beauty routine


Being into someone is amazing. No matter what it leads to, the time when it’s all easy and fun and new is so much fun. I’m sure most of you who’ve been there agree. You want to be with the person all the time, get to know each other over dinners and drinks and breakfasts and spend the nights next to each other in bed. It’s lovely. However, something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately as I’m spending the majority of my nights in a bed that isn’t mine; it comes with the pain of giving up your beauty routine. It dawned on me as I got on the L train a few days ago to go to work after having spent the night with the guy I’m seeing. I was wearing yesterday’s outfit except for his t-shirt, hair that could easily have been mistaken for an old dirty mop and probs a bunch of eye gunk in the corner of my eyes that I missed when looking in the mirror for 2 seconds before we left the apartment. It only took me a quick look around to realize that I was the most gross looking person on that train. But then it also hit me that I can’t be the only one who spent the night at someone else’s place. Then why do everyone else on this packed train look like they have a fucking glam team in their purse? This had me panic and in a desperate attempt to make my hair look better I put it up in a pony only to let it out 2 seconds later and then up again. Everyone with hair knows that this only makes it greasier. I was a lost cause.

It might seem like a non-problem to walk around with dirty hair and wear the same outfit two days in a row when I get to spend the nights with a guy I like. When you're laying there in bed and he put his arm around you and maybe grabs your boob in his sleep, the decision is so easy. “I can wear the same shirt tomorrow, who cares? I’ll keep my arms down at all times and no one will smell a thing. It’s. All. Cool.” It’s really cute actually. How when we're in the grip of his (or her of course) arms deciding if we should go home or not stop to care. And since making out wins over fresh shirts any day of the week, we turn around, bury our noses in their chest hair and fall asleep. As time goes by we buy a travel size deodorant that fits into our small purse and we leave a can of dry shampoo at his place. You'd think it's all good, but still… Tomorrow always comes around and even though you try to avoid it, you do end up looking yourself in the bathroom mirror at work. And yes, as you suspected you did go a little too hard on the dry shampoo causing your hair to look grey instead of brown and even though you showered yesterday morning you might as well have just come out from a 2 hour bikram yoga class. And that is the problem: you just can’t reach your normal level of freshness in a bathroom that is not your own. Fact.

This is fake. I'd been up for hours. HOURS!

This is fake. I'd been up for hours. HOURS!

My ask is pretty basic. I would just really love it if I didn't look like Cameron Diaz in What About Mary every morning. You know, when she accidentally gets cum in her hair. Maybe you’re a girl who wakes up in the morning looking like a sleepy, cute, carefree dream after a night with no AC and mosquitos eating up your toes as they are sticking out from under the sheet. But let’s be real. Are you really? My theory is that 8 out of 10 instagram posts of girls in bed with messy hair with a caption in the style of “ugh nbd just woke up blah blah” have already taken a shower. 9 are wearing highlighter (and maybe even a bit of blush) and think they can get away with it. And 10 has been awake for at least an hour if not more, downed an iced coffee and scrolled through Facebook twice. Don’t get me wrong, I do the exact same thing. No judgement here. Who doesn’t love those sleepy eyes, hair in face and perfect pout-photos? Golden selfie right there. But when I stand there on the subway, looking around me, I feel like the only human left in a world taken over by these sleepy, cute, carefree dream girls. I imagine I could learn so much from them. Cause you see the thing is, I’m a professional now you guys. I need to at least try to live up to it. I can’t go to work wearing the same outfit as the day before (at least not more than once a week) and I can’t not wash my hair. It’s just inappropriate. It's time I become one of them and cut my toenails regularly. I’m aware of the fact that I could simply get out of bed 20 minutes earlier and take a shower like a normal person, but I like sleeping too much. So in order to not stand out (too much) on the train among all good smelling, recently showered “people” I will buy myself a bigger purse that fits my makeup bag, hair brush and a change of clothes. The only other option really is to end things with the boy and therefore always have my own bathroom at my disposal, but that’s not an option because I want to start watching Stranger Things and it’s too scary for me to watch alone. So as of now I will try to get my shit together and always carry around an extra pair of underwear. Does this mean I'm I growing up?

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